I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
