Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
