dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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