my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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