Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a beard to bite.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
