So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
