Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
its liver damage thursday
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
