He had one of those small greek statue penises
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
