wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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