thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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