I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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