Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
