your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
