a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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