Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
