At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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