Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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