this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
