I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
