im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
