I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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