you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
