so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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