saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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