please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
