If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
