Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
