Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
