you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
