Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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