Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
