I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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