apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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