Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
