He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
