those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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