Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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