you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
