Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
