i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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