I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
