My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
