Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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