The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
