She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
