i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
ok first of all what the fuck
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
