it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
