3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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