census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
