Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
